Two new stories.

Iraqis Elect James Madison to Head Constitutional Congress and Thousands of Iraqis Contract AIDS from Blue Finger Dye. It is an Iraqi election theme. And, just for complete disclosure, both these two stories and the one I posted yesterday are appearing in the latest issue of inter alia. Indeed they were written for that publication, and are only appearing on YL because I am lazy and cannot write any more than three "solid" faux news articles in a weekend. And it was time to put something new up on YL.

Children getting married.

All this talk about restricting marriage has got me thinking: why on Earth do we allow children to wed. By "children," I suppose I mean those under 18, although you can come up with your own definition. But as far as I can tell, the only persistent exception to the minors-cannot-contract rule that is virtually universal in all industrialized nations is the marriage contract. Why? I think it is because deep down, we really like the thought of children having sex. Either with us, or with each other. And if they are either married, or can get married afterward, we're allowed to cheer them on. Hooray for our perverted society!

New story.

Gonzales Plans to Stop DOJ's Kitten Burning Policy.

Oscar nominations.

So I'm looking at the list of movies nominated for Academy Awards for 2004, and I'm realizing that I have yet to see any of the five tapped for best picture. Which might imply I'm not qualified to get angry that Eternal Sunshine is not present. Well I don't care. I'm sending out a big fuck you to the Academy anyway.

And I'm reiterating my belief that the only categories that actually matter are those for the screenplay. Everything else is secondary.

Which apparently means the ten best films of 2004 are:

The Aviator,
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind,
Hotel Rwanda,
The Incredibles,
Vera Drake,
Before Sunset,
Finding Neverland,
Million Dollar Baby,
The Motorcycle Diaries, and
Sideways.

Of those I've actually so far seen (Eternal Sunshine, The Incredibles, and Before Sunset), I'd have to say these are good choices.

On another note, from what I've heard, Share Tale is awful, and Polar Express is bearable. So why tap the former?

And how on Earth were Very Long Engagement and Motorcycle Diaries overlooked in best foreign? [And when are we going to change the one-country-one-submission rule that kept out Bad Education?]

[And when are we going to change whatever rule it was that kept Fahrenheit 9/11 out?]

You know you're a math dork when...

You look for subchapter 1.16 in between subchapters 1.1 and 1.2.

You find "Conic Sexxxtions" to be a good name for a strip club.

You do mathematical proofs [e.g. using Taylors to show e ^ (PI * i) = -1] when you find yourself bored in class.

You find your classmates' and professor's failure to follow the Appendix in People v. Collins a shade disturbing.

Come up with your own!

Annie Hall.

Just watched Annie Hall again. Funnier than I remembered. But I was just looking at the cast list on IMDb to verify that it was Jeff Goldblum at that party (it was) when I noticed that, playing the Truman Capote look-alike (in the park bench scene where Annie and Alvy describe passersby) was actually Truman Capote. It's things like that that make me realize 1) how small the world is, and 2) how starved for attention certain people are.

Life Aquatic, Portuguese Bowie, iTunes & PayPal

Watched The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou--a title seemingly chosen to remind the audience to laugh--a few weeks ago. Was somewhat disappointed. Although, now that I think on it, I was somewhat disappointed with all of Wes Anderson's movies on the first go around. Perhaps I just need to give it another chance.

So anyway...

Likely the best part of the movie for me was Seu Jorge, the Brazilian crew member who sang Bowie songs in Portuguese. So I went to download a few of them.

Now somewhere during the past few years I stopped illegally downloading music. I'm not sure why. I think it had a lot to do with working at a radio station, where with a laptop and time, I gained copies of enough new material to keep me satisfied.

So I decided to check out iTunes. Why iTunes? Why not? And they had a special where one could get five free downloads if one used PayPal as one's primary method of operation. So I signed up and got Jorge's renditions of "Starman" and "Five Years" for free, above the table. I also got Sage Francis' "Climb Trees," Buck 65's "In Every Dream Home a Heartache," and DJ Reset's Mash-Up "Frontin' on Debra" (which uses Beck's "Debra," something by Jay-Z and something by Pharrell Williams). Pretty amazing, no?

Wicked, Jonathan Strange

Just finished Wicked. Excellent, although I'm a bit upset the line "All we own, we owe" does not appear in the novel at any point. Nor does a gag involving Double Stuff. Oh well.

About to start Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell. Which I'm reading for my book club.

New story.

Local Hermit Confused by Bush Inauguration. "Where's President Howard Dean?" Enjoy.

Marketing scheme for brokerage houses.

Take a brokerage house (say, ShareBuilder) and have it set aside 100 custodial accounts with $500 in each. Work out a deal with five school districts (preferably poorer school districts, where the students' parents have a spotty history of saving) to offer a class on financial security (where the students would learn about balancing a checkbook, the true costs of credit card debt, trading stocks, etc.). Limit enrollment to twenty students. Give those students free reign over the custodial accounts, but limit their ability to withdraw until they reach the age of 21. Call it charity. Call it investing in future investors. Call it marketing. Call it a public relations coup. Relatively inexpensive, but assuming the brokerage house's marketing department has any kind of capacity to spin and get news coverage, a win. Also keep in mind the costs are less than they initially appear: not only will the $500 be sapped by transaction fees, at least some of these youngsters will eventually become real traders. Sure some will blow whatever is left after they turn 21. But others will deposit more. And perhaps serve as an example to their families, their friends, etc.

Wicked.

I started reading Gregory Maguire's Wicked a few days ago. This is actually the second time I picked it up. The first time, I think I was expecting a Terry Pratchett novel set in Oz instead of Discworld. So I didn't get very far. But after hearing it recommended over and over, I decided to give it another go. Wow, is it worth it. [Word of caution: you cannot go into it thinking "comic fantasy novel," although on some level it is. But it is more "comic" in the sense that Michael Chabon or Tom Robbins is comic. Not "comic" in the Douglas Adams or Jasper Fforde sense.]

I am only halfway through, and it is already easily one of my favorite novels. And this from someone who thought Baum's Oz was a confused mess without significant purpose or developed narrative. Maguire can write, which is probably the most important quality in a writer. Maguire has ideas, which is perhaps the second most important quality in a writer. And Maguire has wit, which is almost certainly the third most important quality in a writer.

Award Winning Satire Site Yodelling Llama...

Wow. I just checked out the results of The Satire Awards' 10/1/04 - 1/15/05 Members Choice Winners. And guess who made an appearance. That's right: Generally Awesome. But more importantly, Yodelling Llama. Just take a look. YL apparently had the third "most believable" story with Bush: "Kerry" Is Osama Bin Laden in Rubber Mask and the second best "established site." Which just goes to show how wretched most of the satire is on the Internet.

iMic and Amazon.

Wrote to Griffin. Got no response. Asked Amazon (from whom I purchased) if I could return. Immediate response. Free shipping back, free replacement. How it should be, but still surprising that customer service still exists in pockets.

iMic, wind and TMBG.

A year or so ago, I accidentally broke the tip off my speakers in the audio-out jack on my laptop. The tip refused to come out, so since then I've only been able to listen off the built-in speakers. Ouch.

Went to get it repaired over Winter Break. Was told it would run about $100 just to look at it, with no guarantee it could be extricated and no guarantee the magnets involved in the procedure wouldn't fuck up my computer.

So I bought an iMic, which, though it is designed to provide better sound, it also works as an independent USB audio in/out device. Good enough solution, no?

Well, the thing stopped working after less than two weeks. Why? I have no idea.

On another note, I'm starting to understand why people kill indiscriminately. Or at least I'm starting to understand the conditions that would have to exist that would encourage me to kill indiscriminately. And those conditions are windy. As far as I can tell, there are few natural phenomena as irritating as wind. Now where did I put my gun...

On another note, I've had They Might Be Giants' "How Can I Sing like a Girl?" in my head for the past two weeks. Hooray!

I'm back!

And, as promised, there are pictures here. And, more importantly, there are three new Monkey Throw Feces songs: "The Meatball Song," "Take a Nap," and "A Whale Song." You can download them here. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.