Also, check out my new medical column.

Not The Onion is back online. And it has my newest column, which you may find amusing.

New story.

Marriage of Ham Actors Attended by Ham Actors.

Palsgraf.

Where can I purchase a diorama of the scene that eventually led to the landmark Palsgraf v. Long Island Railroad Co.? I need help visualizing the Italian with the fireworks being "helped" aboard the train by the railroad employee. I need to see Helen Palsgraf hit by the falling scale. And I need to see Andrews off to the side, putting his hand into the stream of causation. Goddamn it. I need a good law dork memorabilia store.

Anti-folk.

I've been listening to a lot of anti-folk lately. Artists like Jeffrey Lewis, Kimya Dawson, Jason Voss, Kelly Caldwell, Langhorne Slim, and Patrick Elkins. My own explanation for what defines the "genre" is that it tends to sound like folk music performed by people who have only ever encountered folk music in an encyclopedia. The Wikipedia entry describes anti-folk as "combin[ing] the raw, abrasive, and frequently politically charged attitudes of the punk scene with the sounds of American folk tradition." I like my description better. But whatever.

Lists of artists are notoriously fuzzy around the edges. Take antifolk.net's admittedly diverse catalog. Or antifolkonline.com's inclusion of the likes of Dan Emery and Dan Bern, both of whom create, in my opinion, far too catchy songs to be so classified. And note that both lists leave out the We're Twins artists, likely because they're rooted in the more-or-less unconnected-to-New-York Ann Arbor scene. And the inclusion, on the Wikipedia list, the such popular acts as Beck, Ani DiFranco, Nellie McKay, and King Missile. King Missile! They of "Detachable Penis" fame!

Fallow field model of land conservation.

I am no farmer. But it is my understanding that good, self-interested farmers let their fields lie fallow from time-to-time so as to let the land rejuvenate, replacing nutrients that the crops took from the soil. Certainly there are going to be questions about how often and long to let a field sit, whether certain nutrients will need to be replaced artificially anyway (because it takes too long to let them naturally return), whether planting a different crop will do just as well, etc. But the basic principle--that land cannot be worked continuously forever--I believe still holds true.

Which is why I am constantly surprised that it is so difficult to convince persons who use government lands (e.g. National Parks, Forests, and Grasslands)--whether they be ranchers, oil speculators, or campers--that some of the land ought to be off-limits for some activities, some of the time.

Certainly various activities have different kinds of impacts. So questions about whether to let a given parcel lie fallow, or whether to rotate in a different activity (e.g. take out the sheep, bring in the hikers; or take out the ATVs, bring in the coal miners) are important.

Also, certain activities have more of an impact than others. So it is important to determine whether to ban timber operations entirely, or to merely restrict them to certain, less destructive forms. Or whether to ban camping entirely, or to only forbid motorized vehicle camping.

And it may be that, to ensure the availability of these lands and the services they provide (e.g. clean water, important animal habitat, etc.), we may want to make some areas completely off limits. Compare to the farmer who depends upon insect pollination for his crops some of the time leaving a parcel of untouched meadow.

Anyway. I guess I'm just confused about what seems to be the block in the minds of the loggers who seem to think more is better. I guess it has something to do with the land's quasi-commons status. Hooray for private ownership of everything!

Mario and Lesley Gore.

Have you ever noticed that the part of the first level music of the original NES Super Mario Bros.--the part just before it repeats--is exactly the same as a portion of Lesley Gore's classic "It's My Party"--the part right before the chorus ("Judy and Johnny just walked through the door / Like a queen with her king / Oh what a birthday surprise / Judy's wearing his ring")? Well, maybe not exactly the same. But pretty close. Eerie, no?

Fucking Patton Oswalt.

Bitch kicked Monkey Throw Feces out of the top 15. And to think Roger and I almost went to see his lame-ass standup during our escapade to San Francisco over the last New Years. Well, maybe "almost" is a stretch. But it was considered. Sort of. Fucker.

Drag Show pictures.

For those of you who have been waiting with baited breath to see my associates and I don the garb of the opposite gender, check out SODA's blog, Jeff's blog ("The Story of my weekend, Part I" post), and Dale's blog (the "Lucy V. Zehmer in 'Kiss of the Hobo' " post). Enjoy.

Should this be made into a film, or a short series?

George W. Bush: The Biker Movie.

A suggestion for city planners.

Do you have depressed neighborhoods in your urban landscape? Do you fret about how to revive these areas? Try lowering taxes! Yes, lowering taxes is the latest dance craze to sweep the nation. It cures all ills. It puts more money in the pockets of those who really need it. Never mind inflation; Alan Greenspan will save us from that. It forces bloated, inefficient government agencies to slim down. It promotes fairness. And it feels great. So lower your taxes today!

Drag Show 2005.

On Friday night, SODA hosted its third annual drag show. And for the second year, I performed. Last year I was one of three backing dancers for an Elvis impersonator. This year I went solo--performing Bette Midler's "Delta Dawn." And I had a good time, and didn't fuck up too bad. Look for pictures in the near future.

Families.

I have often heard pro-family wags (e.g. Rick Santorum) spew statistics about how children raised in single-parent households are more likely to live below the poverty line, fail to graduate high school, and use illegal drugs.

You don't often hear statistics about how children raised in large households (where the number of children in the household is three or more) are more likely to live below the poverty line. Or how children raised in young two-parent households (where the parents combined ages is less than 50 years) are less likely to graduate high school than in older two-parent households. Or how children raised in Christian households are more likely to use illegal drugs.

The conclusion we are supposed to take away from the first set of statistics is that the high divorce rate is damaging to children, that deadbeat dads should be vilified, and that it is good that we spend tax dollars trying to promote the "traditional" family. Using the same poor reasoning ability, the conclusion arising out of the second set of statistics is that the high birth rate is damaging to children, that young parents should be vilified, and that it would be good to spend tax dollars trying to prevent Christians from rearing children.

Of course what is really going on is that taken out of context, all of these statistics mean nothing. You'd have to know some technical things--like the sampling methods and standard deviations--to be able to say anything. And you'd have to recognize that correlation is not causation. And you'd have to remember that not all problems are worth solving.

In conclusion: fuck you, Rick Santorum.

New story (first in over a month).

Netanyahu Bet on Yahoo!. Enjoy.

Rehnquist.

As I was cobbling together my applications for judicial clerkships, uploading my law transcript to OSCAR, I received a call from Steve Murphy, an interesting fellow law student. He called to inform me that Chief Justice Rehnquist has died. And he called to invite me out for drinks. I declined. Then I received a call from Dale Slack, one of my good friends. He bore the same tidings. Lovely. So in response to Rehnquist's passing, I'm submitting an application to clerk for his successor instead...

Katrina.

I can understand looting in the face of starvation, dehydration, etc. This is a reasonable, if not entirely legal, response to a crisis. But what could possibly justify the roving rape gangs that have come into being in the aftermath of Katrina in New Orleans? Did these fuckers lose their girlfriends to the hurricane, and now the desperately need some pussy?